I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I may have hurt myself, but I keep thinking anyway.
I've been wondering, what makes a friend? What's the difference between a good friend, and an acquaintance? I've been thinking about this a lot, and have realized I need to make some changes.
I've also realized most of us are so into our own lives that we really don't see (or care) that much about what is going on in other people's lives. Most of us have enough trouble getting through our own days without having to worry about someone else's.
When we ask, "How are you?", most of the time we really don't care. If someone were to take the question and answer it honestly and pour out their hearts we'd be either shocked or chagrined, and wish we'd never asked.
By the same token, when we are asked, "How are you?", most of us simply say "Fine, thank you." out of politeness. We know the person asking probably doesn't want to hear the truth, just like we usually don't either when we ask. Its polite, that's all.
Sometimes I think polite is crap.
Sounds harsh, I know, but I think I'm right.
I'd love for someone to prove me wrong.
I thought I had several good friends. I still like to think I do, but after being honest with myself, I find that what I have is more like several good acquaintances as opposed to good friends. Mostly my own fault, I will admit (because to have friends one needs to be a friend), but true nonetheless.
Good friends take time to get to know each other, and find out what's going on in each other's lives. Good friends check in now and then, call each other, and generally keep in touch on a regular basis. They share thoughts and ideas, and are free to share what's on their hearts. They can talk about issues without worrying that they will be harshly judged, or alienated from their friendship just because they disagree.
Christ said the world know His disciples by their love for one another. His disciples were good friends to each other, because they loved one another. That's how others will know we follow Christ, by our love for one another. Even in the secular world, people can tell friends by their love for one another.
Usually friendships are built on common interests, and common ideas. Friendships are nurtured by spending time talking and communicating with each other, and spending time engaging in these common interests. The people we spend the most time with, be it family or job or church or a club, wind up being those we know best, and usually become our friends.
Acquaintances are people we sometimes think of as friends, or sometimes not. Acquaintances are those we know on sight (sometimes remembering their name), give a nice handshake to (usually while asking "How are you?"), and with whom we carry on casual conversations (usually centered on the weather or what our kids are doing).
Sometimes acquaintances share an activity together (still without getting much deeper than the weather and kids), and when its over say" we all had a wonderful time together", and ,"hope to see you again soon", or "you take care!", as we move on down the crowd in search of someone else less annoying more interesting we know a little bit better.
Then we all scurry home to our safe houses and apartments where we can be the real us and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks. We can take off our fake masks and phoney smiles and relax. Lonely, but safe, and not having to worry about anyone else.
Am I wrong? Please, someone tell me I am.
I thought I had several friends. I thought several people cared about me, were concerned over my wellbeing and gave occasional thought to how I'm doing.
Turns out, not so much actually.
Sure, I have acquaintances at church and at work. People seem to like me well enough. People talk kindly to me and say hello when they see me, and I can usually have a pleasant conversation with them. Sometimes even a fairly deep conversation, but usually not. Some of those acquaintances are closer than others, and for them I'm grateful.
And I do have a couple of very close friends who love me dearly (friends know each other by their love for each other), and some close family members who love me dearly as well. People that don't find fault or judge too harshly, or withdraw their love and closeness if they disagree. I find these are the people that I too think about and care for, and desire to check on regularly.
But there's a reason I've been thinking about this so much lately.
This is not about a pity-party for Mike. Not a bit. In fact, the things I've written in the paragraphs above I classify under "life happens". The stuff I've written about should not be news for anyone reading this, if you are honest with yourself. We all have our noses in our own hands most of the day, to one degree or another. Our lives center mostly around ourselves, whether we like it or not.
It's a challenge to look outward to others, and truly, God Bless those who have made it a priority in their lives to do so. You are angels on earth, and you make the world a better place. Would that we should all strive to be like them. Christ desires us to get out of our own skin, and make a difference to those around us, and to get to know people and help them where they really need it.
Romans 12 says, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Good friends are sincere, devoted to one another, and honor one another more than themselves. Good friends practice hospitality, and live in harmony. Good friends do what is right, and live at peace with each other. Good friends also mourn with each other, laugh with each other, rejoice with each other, and, by implication, get to know each other well. Good friends learn to trust one another.
So, to conclude this, back to the reason I've been thinking about this subject so much lately. Turns out I do have good friends. I'm thankful to God for them, and I'm blessed to have them. My friends know who they are, and I love you very much.
It's just that the people who I thought were my friends are not the same as the people who truly are my friends.
That's what's given me pause for thought.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment